So, I decided on April 7, 2012 that it was indeed time to make a call to my birth mom. After almost two months of writing I felt that it was probably time, even though the thought of making the call made my knees tremble.
I remember I stood there with my phone in my hand looking at her name and number, wanting to push that send button for what seemed like days. I actually thought about calling the previous weekend but chickened out big time. I stood there thinking...what if she doesn't answer....ugh! What if she DOES answer? It was terrifying for some reason. I don't know why it was so hard to do. Maybe it was my total shyness showing. Maybe it was fear I didn't understand. But finally after about fifteen minutes of standing there I pushed the send button. It rang once, twice, and a third time. In fact, it kept ringing as I realized no one was home to answer it. I was hoping there would be an answering machine so I could leave a message and put myself at ease a little bit about having to make that call again but it just rang and rang. I hung up the phone and thought I would try later.
Later I was on Facebook and messaged my brothers a happy Easter. My youngest brother R wrote back to me and so we chatted back and forth for a bit. I told him I tried calling mom and didn't get an answer. He said he had tried a couple times too as it was more difficult for him since he is stationed in South Korea. Conversation fizzled and I logged off. Later that night I jumped back on and noticed I had a message from him. He said he gt a hold of mom and that she would be home tomorrow after 2:30. My first thought was that is great. My second thought was, oh geez, I am going to HAVE to call her tomorrow because I am quite positive he said something to her about me calling. I guess I would just consider that a good motivator!
Easter Sunday was filled with church and dinner with my adoptive family. We had a wonderful time as my nephew surprised my mom and dad by showing up to dinner. He was suppose to be in Arizona (we live in South Dakota) living and decided to move back for a while. My dad looked twice as he walked in and my mom's jaw about hit the floor. It was a wonderful surprise. As the festivities wound down it was time to go home and finish some household stuff and, yes, call my birth mother. We got home and I did a few things and then retreated to the bedroom for some privacy. I stood there again for a few minutes and just told myself to push the button, it is no big deal (even though it was a huge deal!). So, I pushed it and it rang just twice and was picked up by a woman. Someone whom I had longed to hear for so long. I told her who I was and immediately she said, "I was wondering when you were going to call", so I knew she was expecting it. We talked for an hour about anything and everything.
We talked like we had known each other forever and the conversation was effortless. I asked about my heritage as I had always thought I was Irish, German and Bohemian. She kind of sounded surprised to hear that and said no we are English and either she said Dutch or Danish ( I was in such a crazy state at that time I wasn't storing everything she said!). I told her that is what my adoption records said. It created a kind of struggle for me hearing that. The wrong information given not only to me but my adoptive family. It was just something that really bothered me but I just pushed it aside for the time being and enjoyed our conversation. She told me a story about our ancestors which was so cool to hear. She told me that she had told her aunt that I contacted her and her aunt got quite emotional. She said since her mom wasn't there for her during her pregnancy with me (she divorced my birth mom's dad and moved to Arizona) her aunt was there for her. She was there at the hospital when I was born. She asked to hold me before the nurses took me away. She told my birth mom that she would really like to meet me. I thought that was so touching and heart warming. It brought tears to my eyes. I am hoping to meet any and all of my birth family one day. We haven't discussed a meeting but hopefully it won't be too far in the future.
As we hung up the phone I was left with a feeling of relief, wholeness, and excitement. It was a wonderful end to a great weekend. This is where my story picks up to real time. I am in the process of finding pictures of when I was younger to send and to ask again what my background is, since I didn't pay enough attention when she said it the first time. I think my next posts will be to go in a little deeper to the experiences I have had.
Until we meet again....
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